Or, as I like to call it:

The movie opens with an old clip of some news anchor saying that people with heart conditions or are easily upset should not watch this. Does that give me an excuse?

The opening credits are set to security tapes of bank robberies. You’re not clever, Michael Moore. After the credits, Michael Moore asks, trying to be poignant, if future civilizations will judge us by youtube videos of cats flushing toilets or people being thrown out of their house because they can’t afford it. Yes, that’s such a terrible thing. How dare they demand to be paid for their product and put “hard-working, middle-class people” out of their homes.

Michael Moore then goes and talks to this real-estate guy in Florida who runs a company called “Condo Vultures.” They deal only with people who buy foreclosed homes; at -GASP- a profit! Oh noes! The editing when they’re talking to this guy is particularly disgusting. I wonder how badly they butchered their interview with this guy to make him look like a total scumbag when he’s just another entrepreneur who’s providing a service that his clients want.

Guess who’s next? Wallace Shawn. Yeah, that’s right. Vizzini from The Princess Bride. Nobody gives a fuck what he has to say about this shit. Fuck you.

And this is just the first 21 minutes of the movie.

To summarize the rest of the bullshit, it includes Michael Moore pulling some small, regional company airline pilots in front of the camera to talk about their low salaries, having clergymen in the catholic church call capitalism a “sin,” invoking WWJD(yeah, seriously), whining that the top 1%  of the population have more than the bottom 95% combined(no fucking shit, Captain Obvious. Grow the fuck up.), going to the capitol to read the US Constitution to look for the part that says the United States of America is a capitalist country and only pointing out the “more perfect union” line and the general welfare clause(you know, one of the big loopholes in the document they use to justify the government doing whatever the fuck it wants?), saying that lack of financial restrictions will cause a crisis in mere years, saying the word “democracy” like it will ward off evil spirits(shaped like dollar signs, no doubt), dragging a grouchy old fuck in indiana who’s having to leave his home because he can’t afford it saying that he understands the people who go crazy and shoot up banks and workplaces with guns and homemade bombs because the people they kill “deserve whatever they get”, calling the “housing crisis” a calculated financial coup de’tat by the big financial companies, driving an armored car around New York to the aforementioned companies to take back the money and make citizen’s arrests, showing a group of people who cut down “for sale” signs off of foreclosed homes and then just move people back in(while the house is still the property of the bank) and surrounded the New York Stock Exchange with crime scene tape.

There is one good part of this movie. Just one. Michael Moore is asking people as they come out of the Stock Exchange to explain what a “derivative” is. When nobody talks to him, he says, “I’m just trying to get a little advice” and someone off-camera responds, “Don’t make any more movies.” That is what we refer to here on the Internet as “being owned.”

Fuck this movie. Fuck Michael Moore.

Oh and before I go, the chick from Paramore(“Who the fuck is Paramore?” I hear you asking. Its okay, they’re not important) accidentally…ugh, “tweeted” her tits. She then claim she “got hacked.” They’re not really worth looking at if you ask me, but I might as well share the lulz. You can find it here: http://encyclopediadramatica.com/Hayley_Williams

At least its better than watching Capitalism: A Love Story.