We Get Farmville He Gets Person of THE YEAR

Posted on January 12, 2011 by unablogger

Really person of the year?

Mark Zuckerberg? For creating FACEBOOK? Really?

In spite of the popular vote even! Time Magazine’s editor actually thinks HE had the most impact on

peoples lives as opposed to someone who actually did something valuable for humanity? Or at the very least, the man who was actually voted for as man of the year by the people, whistle-blower and Wikileaks founder Julian Assange? I never heard this mans name before seeing him on the cover of Time and hear far more about TWITTER than I do facebook in movies, on television shows, on the radio so where is Jack Dorsey? Hell, I have heard about Julian Assange more!

What planet is this guy on and was he the one who decided in 1999 that it should be PERSON of the year instead of MAN of the year? What is the problem with it being WOMAN of the YEAR when a woman is selected? Is WOMAN a bad word?Has the PC bullshit really gotten this bad?

Then again he is in good company with Hitler, Stalin(not once but twice) & THE Computer, yes people, THE COMPUTER as man of the year, no human being was better! Oh and the cheesiest of the choices, “YOU”.

Kinda sickening, really!

Women are Not Allowed to Read this Post.

Posted on January 11, 2011 by TheCouchFucker

You know, after the Valentine’s Day rant, I’ve been thinking about some of the things I’ve said and I’ve come to a conclusion.

Women are responsible for all of men’s problems.

Yeah, that’s right, I said it. It’s all your fault, ladies. Valentine’s Day, birthdays, anniversaries, “I’m-sorry-I-looked-at-the-waitress’-ass” gifts, plus all the other holidays. Also, we’re expected to pay for everything(dinner, drinks, etc.). If you’re so equal and independent, why can’t you pitch in your fair share?

How about marriage?! Well, first there’s the engagement ring(By the way, that three month’s salary rule? That was started early last century by a major diamond company’s marketing department(and you bitches ate that shit up). Where’s my engagement gift worth three months of your pay, bitch? Then there’s the cost of the wedding, too. The bride’s parents only float the cost seventeen percent of the time today, so that means it’s on someone else. That’s right. Men. Why? Because we make all the money and we’re expected to be gentlemen and pay for everything. Fuck that shit, I already spent several thousand dollars on a piece of jewelry(but no, you need your special day with the expensive ass dress and the catering and the perfect place with the perfect reception hall and the perfect photographer and the-OH MY GOD!) Now there’s the goddamn honeymoon(and just fucking shoot me now) which, you guessed it, bub, the husband is paying for. Oh, you thought you’d just move her into your place? You silly bastard! Don’t you know that you can’t rent anymore once you get married?! You have to go buy a house and you’ll have to look at house after house after house to make sure that she likes the kitchen and the yard and the neighborhood(three words, sucker: Home Owner’s Association) and it’s in the right zip code for the good school or whatever. Next comes the years of paying for her old bills and her fancy new car and her Starbucks jones and her beauty parlor expenses and her credit card habits and her blah blah blah blah blah…

And then there’s all the whining, nagging, PMS, remodel demands, “I’m-not-in-the-mood” nights, your expertise at chicanery and deceit, and worst of all, making us be fathers to kids we don’t fucking want because you “forgot” to take your birth control pill and “forgot” to go get the morning after pill and “suddenly” decided to be against abortion “now that’s it’s my baby”(scratch that, worst of all being whoring around with other guys because you want a kid and can’t get us in a situation where we knock you up and then tell us it’s fucking our’s because we’re the stable option).

So the key is to not have any money, right? Negative. Then they’ll all shun you and refuse to put out because they’re competing with their friends(I’ve fucking seen it, wenches!) over who can get the best husband(read ‘one with the most money’).

Gentlemen, this is why we need to legalize prostitution.

In Light of the Recent Tragedy in Arizona

Posted on January 10, 2011 by TheCouchFucker

I request only that we have a moment of silence for all the innocent bystanders who were killed or wounded.

…

Okay, now with that out of the way, in regards to the Congresswoman who got shot in the dome and the Arizona District Attorney(remember Scumbag of the Week? Yeah. That’s him) who got killed, it’s time to play wildly inappropriate music and laugh hysterically!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

“HOW DAER U, COUCH-!” I already hear being shrieked, “TEHY WUZ PUHB-LICK SUR-VINTZ!”

So? A scumbag is a scumbag, badge or not.

“BUT COWCH, WUT DID GIFERDZ DO?!”

Aside from voting for 700 billion dollars to be stolen from us at the drop of a hat, helping expand hate crime legislation and supporting the marxist institution of government-run education? How about her only pro-gun position ever taken being AGAINST the DC handgun ban? Or how about her votes for bills that increased the FDAs power? I can go on, but I’ll sum it up as such.

Gabrielle Giffords deserves to die and I hope she has complications in her hospital bed and gets shuffled loose of the mortal coil.

Freedom: What Does It Mean?

Posted on January 5, 2011 by superangrymonkey

Let’s talk about freedom for a minute. I know a lot of people got into me in the first place because of my vitriolic talks of freedom and liberty and all of the things that I actually do manage to hold dear to my chest. Freedom is just a word now. Someone bought and sold it and you don’t even mind. You’re living every minute of every day raping the notion that you are free and you are happy with that as long as you have TV and the Internet. You’ll slave away to buy the next fucking apple itouchmyself rather than just enjoying your life. You aren’t allowed to step past a line on the bus because of what? It keeps you safe? Is that the job of the law in a free society? To keep me safe from myself?

So yeah once in awhile I froth and rage over some moronic law that some silver spoon fed meat head in Washington is telling me is for my own good. I don’t want the government responsible for me from womb to tomb, in fact I don’t want any kind of government at all. I am in fact that atheist anarchist demon baby that you were worried about. I don’t believe in your magic sky man and I don’t believe Barack Obama, John McCain, Sarah Palin, or any political or made up intangible religious figure is going to save us. I realized it one day when I was sitting and smoking cigarettes and not really doing anything.

My life, everything that I am, everything that I was, and everything that I ever will be is laid out for me. I’m not really allowed to deviate from that mold. You can’t be free here. there’s no such thing. You mean we still have the right to protest? Is that what makes a society free? The right to complain about how it’s going to shit without having the ability to proactively do a goddamned thing about it? Fuck you.

When you think about it, what is your life, what is your family’s life, what are the lives of the people around you, and what is your freedom really for? Do you use it to make your own way in the world? How many of you actually are? Or instead, how many of you are working as a faceless person in a machine of a company shitting out products that you couldn’t give a shit less about because you sat in the American brainwashing camp called the educational system?

I’ll bet that some of you out there actually believe that Christopher Columbus discovered America, I’ll bet that even more of you believe that first Thanksgiving story as if there wasn’t a genocide the minute Europeans decided to set foot on these soils. I’ll bet even more of you still believe that god has blessed this land and we are so successful because we are so motherfucking free. You people are the scum of the fucking earth. You’re the cause of all of this. You want a small but strong government you pig shit eating sacks of human filth, you pseudoconservative wastelands? Pigs, all of you.

Do you still think that Barack is going to swoop in and save the fucking day? Is that what you think you college educated nitwit sack of shit? You weakling pussy motherfuckers are the reason that it’s all gone to hell. We are all fucked.

Oh yeah, minarchists… do you think they’re just going to give the power back? You pathetic pussies, armchair revolutionaries…. I’m sick of all of it.

That’s what freedom is to me. I’m still free to tell you how fucked we all are. That’s your measure of freedom. To admit that you are fucking trapped in a bed that the world made for you before you ever even were an idea to protest it.

So yeah freedom is just a word. A word I love even though everyone forgot what it means.

Violence IS the answer.

Posted on December 29, 2010 by TheCouchFucker

Sometimes. The point is to use the appropriate amount of violence at just the right times to correct socially annoying or unacceptable behavior. Scroll to Monkey’s last entry and let’s take the Mcdonald’s line as an example. The douchebag who stood there looking at the menu when he was at the front of the line? New rule. You have FIVE SECONDS once you get to the front of the line to order or get stepping. If you take longer than that, we’re allowed to punch you. Just once. One solid crack across the back of the skull. This goes for anywhere applicable, fast food, coffee shops, even drive-thrus. Seriously, get out of your car and punch the motherfucker in the teeth. Get off your fucking cellphone and order(Also, you assholes who do this shit better hope that I’m not the guy behind you if this shit catches on, because I’ll start carrying brass knuckles).

Same thing for shitty parents whose kids are running around, breaking things, screaming, kicking the back of the seat in front of them, whatever. Don’t hit the kids, they haven’t been taught any better. Hit the piece of shit responsible. If you can’t control your kids in public, leave them at home(actually, if you can’t keep your kids from acting like the rambunctious, sociopathic little monsters they were born as, you shouldn’t be having kids at all). Oh, that’s right, you don’t actually care about raising a child, you just want the free shit from the fucking Feds and the “poor, single mother/father” sympathy from the rest of the world. Kill yourself(because I’m not allowed to do it).

And fucking carollers. It’s 9pm, it’s cold, it’s snowing, I’m trying to fucking relax and have a beer and next thing I know you cocksuckers are out there dressed in clothing from another time period singing “O Come all Ye Faithful” like you’re doing me a favor. Shut the fuck up and go home.

Some people deserve more than a single punch. Some people just need their asses handed to them on a platter. Those fuckers that Casey-Jones-ball-bat your mailbox off the post or slash your tires or spray-paint your garage door for fun. Run the asshats down and kick their fucking teeth in. They deserve it.

And then some people just need to be fucking gunned down like the worthless, walking, two-hundred pound pieces of human shit that they are. Guy tries to rob the liquor store? Shoot him. Tries to take your neighbor’s car? Blow his fucking head off. You get the idea.

More violence in the right places IS the fucking answer and your third-grade teacher can kiss my ass and suck on my left nut if they say otherwise.